The Totally True Life Of Fred
by The Blondest Brunette
Summary: Chihiro wakes up one morning to see a surprise on her doorstep, but who wrote it and what the heck is it about?


**Hey everyone! Nice to see you all! This is something**

**BNG and I discussed as just a random writers-block thing… And I decided to do it!**

**So, read, enjoy… And hopefully you'll be able to figure out what the heck I'm talking about.**

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Chihiro eyed the slim stack of papers on her front step. There wasn't a newspaper in the Spirit World, and she sure as heck didn't get mail delivered here, not when it could just go to the bathhouse and their security… So what the heck was this?

Tightening her robe, she uttered a quick spell to see if it was cursed or magical or anything like that. It wasn't – it was just a stack of papers. Well, not really a stack, because three papers don't really qualify as a stack, but anyways. Knowing it was safe, she picked it up and walked back into her home.

When Haku walked into the living room, he saw her having a stare down with the papers. Knowing she was a little odd to begin with, he didn't know if so said papers had angered her or what. Cautiously, he walked closer.

"Chihiro… Are you alright?"

"OH! Sorry, you just scared me. I'm fine… I'm just trying to figure out what the heck these are."

"Maybe, if you read them…"

"Har har. But I don't know if they're poisoned or not and-"

"They're fine. If there were poison, I would smell it. Just read it," Haku said as he plopped down next to her on the couch. "You know they're harmless… So why haven't you read it yet?"

"Because I didn't realize anyone knew we lived here."

"Well, I know, and you know."

"Anyone _besides_ us."

"There are still some rogues out there… Some which are stronger than Zeniba, you, and me all put together."

"More like you and Zeniba…" Chihiro grumbled.

"We've talked about this already. Just read it. I'll stay right here. You'll be safe," Haku replied, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and giving her hair a light kiss.

"Alright, fine. But if something happens…"

"I know, I know, I'm on the couch for an undetermined amount of time. Now, read."

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**The Totally True Life Of Fred**

It's not easy, being me. For one, the name Fred is just so… Blah. Why can't I be named something cool, like Edwardo or Eltonheimer or even Lillian? Maybe not Lillian, because I'm a guy, but that's still a cooler name than Fred. Oh well. On with the memoir.

Some of you may be wondering how the heck did I learn to type? Well, I didn't. But I know how to write – believe it or not, but the proof is in your hands – and I then sent the finished the manuscript to an old friend of mine who _can_ type. I do not know how she was able to translate it – we have different languages – but she did and here it is!

Now, onward.

Part One: How I Came To Be

I was created by magic. Plain and simple. (Wow, that's really boring. But it's true… Pity me!) I didn't have a family; I was made out of necessity.

Part Two: How I Came To Be Where I Am Now

Well, I was created here, so it was just natural that I live here now. And the pay's pretty darn good.

Part Three: Daily Life

I wake up, or am summoned. If I'm summoned, I wake up, but sometimes, I wake up before I'm summoned. After waking up/being summoned, I usually go to the main work area and just check things out. Sometimes, _she_ walks by, and it's hard to function. She's so beautiful, with her long black hair… But she doesn't notice me. The others start to come out, and we start work.

After hours of hard work, we get our food and take a break. Sometimes, I think I'm confident enough to go over and talk to her, but I start moving over and the guys start to laugh at me, so I sit back down and finish eating. After lunch, there's more work. Then we take our supper, and are done for the day. The graveyard shifters are woken up, and they get to work.

We head back to our homes, or go and visit friends. One night, she was at the same friend's house as I was. I started to walk up to her, but Alec got to her first. Stupid Alec with his stupid humor and his stupid charm.

Months later, she's married to Alec. He's out with friends, partying, so I stop in for a visit, under the excuse of a Happy Marriage! gift. I get in, and we start to really connect. I start to move in for a kiss, when Alec suddenly appears. Thank the gods he was to drunk to fully realize what was going on (when we get drunk, it's almost the opposite of what usually happens – we get really tired), so we were safe.

For months it went on like that; secret meetings, hiding away. Never letting anyone catch on. It was hard, nearly impossible, but we did it. We kept _us_ a secret. Until Alec's secret got out – he was two-timing her for Natalia. They quickly got divorced. We started to see each other in public, unafraid. That is, until she had Jason.

When we want children of our own, we must ask the gods and hope they will give one to us. As we are created by magic, we can't reproduce on our own. Apparently they had filed a request right when they were married, on only now did the gods grant their request.

I tried, really did, to help her. To support Jason. I even proposed, not out of need, but because I loved her and wanted her to be part of my family. She refused, and my heart was broken, but I kept it together. For Jason. The son who wasn't really mine, but Alec was too busy with Natalia to care.

Jason grew very fond of me, but still his mother wouldn't marry me. I would ask and ask, but she never gave me a straight answer.

Finally, after two years of this, I made her answer, threatening to kick her out.

She told me it was because she still was in love with Devon, my best friend.

Note the "still"? Yeah, I did too. Well, she claimed she and Devon had been lovers since before her and Alec. My heart shattered, and I kicked her out, against her protests.

Thankfully, Jason still loves me.

Part Five: Epilogue

Some may be wondering why I wrote this. It's really not a fantastic story, but I thought people should know. Most people think we're just drones, all work and no play. We have soccer teams, chess teams, even speech teams! Though we have to play eachother, it works.

I wrote it because _the truth is out ther_e, and I can at least let it be known.

_The End_

© Fred, 2008

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Chihiro couldn't stop laughing. "Someone sent _that_ to us? What a waste of paper!"

"True, but you must remember that some of the greatest works of art weren't appreciated until many years later," Haku said, but he still couldn't control his laughter well.

"Well, this is going to be many millenniums later!"

"I think, today when we go back into work, we should have a long talk with Kamajii."

"I completely agree."

_The Real End!_

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**So, did you like it?**

**It's random, and was put together quickly, but…**

**I'm totally tapped for anything else and I thought this might help. Guess we'll find out later.**

**Please review! I want to know your thoughts!!**


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